The Mental Flip Flop

The Mental Flip Flop

Approximately two days ago, Andrew asked me why I’d stopped writing. A question so simple humbled me; this whole writing thing (and lack thereof) affects more than just me, myself, and I. Andrew noticed my passion was gone. But where had it gone? He’d also noticed my lack of enthusiasm towards, well, anything. Where had it gone? I am a soon-to-be-bride; shouldn’t I be bubbling with joy? I’m a Christian! I am a near future college graduate; shouldn’t I be driven? I’ve just gotten a new job, shouldn’t my life wreak exuberance?

But it doesn’t. Why not.

Cabin fever, I just need some air, some sunshine! While that is true, it cannot account for a lack of driven creativity or passion towards life.

The Bible says that the love of money is the root of all evil. Has it ever occurred to you that you don’t have to have something in order to love it? In planning for the near future, the topic of money has come up repeatedly: we have X amount of dollars to accomplish X. If we budget at X amount, we need to make X amount a month. If we need to make X amount a month, we need to make X dollars an hour. Planning is great, math is wonderful, but my my my how it has consumed my mind lately. And to think, you “grown ups” have had this problem all along.

Work loses its luster when the prime objective becomes to acquire money. God laid this on my heart and mind today: work hasn’t been fun lately because my focus of work is all wrong. I began my job with the intention of fleshing out what my spiritual beliefs claim everyday in every situation. During my last week at work, I found myself to be a pain in the butt. My joy was far from evident and my mind focused on the list of things to do before I punched out. How much more lame can I get. On Monday, I begin a new job with a new goal: I’m not going to work for the money! I’m going to work to put a life of love on display to the public. Then they will see life. Then they will see love. Then they will see God.

So what about my lack of writing? My first excuse to Andrew was that “No one reads them anyways.” Lame. “I just haven’t felt like it.” Lame. Then the hard truth came out, “I just really don’t feel like God’s teaching me anything new. I feel like I’m relearning the same lessons I’ve learned since I was 5; I know they’re pertinent, but I long for something new.” May God forgive me for being so human. Years ago, we believed the earth was the center of the solar system; everything revolved around us. Until finally, truth was discovered: the sun is the center of our solar system. How typical of us to believe all revolves around us; when will we apply physical evidence to spiritual truth. When will we realize that we’re not in the center at all-it’s the Son. I often require a mental flip-flop. God doesn’t exist for my glory. I exist for God’s glory. God doesn’t exist for my anything. His existence created my life. My life doesn’t create his existence. Gods truth can be proclaimed whether or not I’m “inspired” by it at the moment or not. I’ve learned that truth doesn’t rely upon my emotions. Truth revolves around the Son.

It didn’t take long to find the core of my problem: I was acting human, loving money, wallowing in a pity puddle and focusing on myself. The problem? Following Jesus requires living in un-human ways.

Jaime

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